As I was laying in bed I was thinking about my babies and how much I love them and how they're growing so fast. While doing so it brought me back to the thought I realized the other day that Nate is the same age as Anthony was when I had to let them go live with their grandparents and that Ashlynn is just a little bit younger then Kaylee was at that time. What a sad and sorrowful time in life that was! Anyways I realized that within a few days or so, I'm not sure the exact date because I don't really want to know, but basically it was exactly 10 years ago that I had to give up my first 2 babies. I can't believe it's been that long! In some ways it feels like it's been much longer but I still can't believe it's been that long. What a horrible anniversary to have. I do know the actual court date of when I lost them in January, even though I try not to remember it, but I never correlated this time in November to it until now. What a sad and pathetic shattered wreck I was back then.
I still don't know all of the details of why my children had to stay with their grandparents for good instead of the year I thought it would be, but I'm greatful to know that things are as they should be. I'm so thankful for the gospel in my life!!! I've felt the Lord wrap his arms around me during that time of sorrow. I know he has a plan for each of us and that our losses will be concecrated for our good. I have so much to be thankful for and I never imagined some 12 years ago or so that I would ever have such blessings! I'm so thankful to be married to a good man that I don't have to worry about where he is because he doesn't come home at night. I'm thankful that he takes such good care of our family and that I know he would do anything he needed to in order to provide for us and protect us. And especially to know that he loves us sooooo much!! I'm also so greatful this time of year to have such a wonderful place to call home!! I can scarely remember the feeling of homelessness but it's imprint will probably always be there, and I'm greatful that it stirs up the rememberance of what a blessing it is to have a home. I'm greatful to have food on the table to feed my children and although we don't have our year supply yet it's ever on my mind to keep building it because I never want to hear my children's crys of hunger again. I'm so greatful to have my 2 beautiful babies Nate and Ashlynn to share my days with and the joy that they bring into my life!! And I'm greatful for the time we have with our older kids. Even though we don't have them around as much as we'd like it keeps us remembering what a precious gift each moment can be! And as it always does when thinking of things I'm greatful for it takes me full circle back to being thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ!! I know that no matter what trials lay ahead in life even if they were worse then ones from the past, that the knowledge that I have of his eternal plan and his sacrific for me and everyone else would be enough to make life worth living and always give me something wonderful to feel gratitude for!! I truely have more blessing then I can count!!!
