Life

Got out of bed unable to sleep so I thought I'd dink around on the computer. I've been meaning to write on here since it's kind of cathardic in the middle of the night but I havn't gotten around to it until now. I was on facebook and saw a familiar video about Stephanie Nielson, if you havn't heard of her look her up on you tube. She's such an inspiration and made me want to get back on here to record my thoughts. So I'm sorry if I ramble on and my topics don't seem to go together but it's late at night and my thoughts and emotions move faster then I can type ;)

Basically I'm wondering what I did to deserve a life like this? Because I can't imagine I was good enough to be so blessed. All I ever wanted was a close,happy, healthy family that is working on bettering themselves to be with our Heavenly Father again. Sometimes that doesn't seem like it's alot to ask for but really in the scheme of things only a small amount of people throughout the history of the world have had such blessings especially the part of having the fullness of the gospel. Why did I get so blessed?! Really it's a lot to live up to considering where much is given much is expected. But even though I know I fall short (daily) I'm soooo greatful to be one to have much expected of me.
I have a hard working husband that has a strong testimony and is a wonderful father. In fact he's so dedicated to his kids that he spent the night out on the trampoline with Madison last night in the freezing weather because he promised her they would before she left. I have such wonderful children. I havn't really talked to Anthony or Kaylee since right before Christmas, other then on facebook, but I know they're happy and healthy and having wonderful experiences in Germany. We got to spend the last week with Madison which was wonderful. She does such a good job playing with and helping out with the littler kids, and she was a joy to be around each day. Nate and Ashlynn keep me on my toes because they're such active kids but I LOVE it! Tonight Nate wanted to snuggle and sleep with me in his bed. I drifted off with him for a few minutes with his face pressed up to me and his arm around my neck. Some days he seems so grown up already but I live for days like today to share those moments with him. And I've never seen a cuter or more bouncy baby then Ashlynn. I love watching her do new things. I love watching her make new connections as she figures out how to screw on a water bottle lid. And how she claps when I get her bedtime bottle for her. And most of all I love how she wraps her arms around my neck for hugs! I seriously live for their hugs and kisses!
Life is Good! Life is such a Blessing! I get stressed out about things daily, some big things, mostly small things, but really life is good. In fact sometimes I worry when things are going good that it's just the calm before the storm and that something bad is bound to happen, but really why worry about that. I know that everything is in the Lord's hands. Through all our ups and downs he's there with us sharing in our joys and helping us through our trials. I'm so thankful to have been given the blessing of the gospel and all it entails! I'm greatful for my family! I hope and pray that I'll be able to teach my children the truly important things of this life and instill in them the wonderful gift of Faith.

It's been a decade

As I was laying in bed I was thinking about my babies and how much I love them and how they're growing so fast. While doing so it brought me back to the thought I realized the other day that Nate is the same age as Anthony was when I had to let them go live with their grandparents and that Ashlynn is just a little bit younger then Kaylee was at that time. What a sad and sorrowful time in life that was! Anyways I realized that within a few days or so, I'm not sure the exact date because I don't really want to know, but basically it was exactly 10 years ago that I had to give up my first 2 babies. I can't believe it's been that long! In some ways it feels like it's been much longer but I still can't believe it's been that long. What a horrible anniversary to have. I do know the actual court date of when I lost them in January, even though I try not to remember it, but I never correlated this time in November to it until now. What a sad and pathetic shattered wreck I was back then.
I still don't know all of the details of why my children had to stay with their grandparents for good instead of the year I thought it would be, but I'm greatful to know that things are as they should be. I'm so thankful for the gospel in my life!!! I've felt the Lord wrap his arms around me during that time of sorrow. I know he has a plan for each of us and that our losses will be concecrated for our good. I have so much to be thankful for and I never imagined some 12 years ago or so that I would ever have such blessings! I'm so thankful to be married to a good man that I don't have to worry about where he is because he doesn't come home at night. I'm thankful that he takes such good care of our family and that I know he would do anything he needed to in order to provide for us and protect us. And especially to know that he loves us sooooo much!! I'm also so greatful this time of year to have such a wonderful place to call home!! I can scarely remember the feeling of homelessness but it's imprint will probably always be there, and I'm greatful that it stirs up the rememberance of what a blessing it is to have a home. I'm greatful to have food on the table to feed my children and although we don't have our year supply yet it's ever on my mind to keep building it because I never want to hear my children's crys of hunger again. I'm so greatful to have my 2 beautiful babies Nate and Ashlynn to share my days with and the joy that they bring into my life!! And I'm greatful for the time we have with our older kids. Even though we don't have them around as much as we'd like it keeps us remembering what a precious gift each moment can be! And as it always does when thinking of things I'm greatful for it takes me full circle back to being thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ!! I know that no matter what trials lay ahead in life even if they were worse then ones from the past, that the knowledge that I have of his eternal plan and his sacrific for me and everyone else would be enough to make life worth living and always give me something wonderful to feel gratitude for!! I truely have more blessing then I can count!!!

New Blog

Just started this blog as another way to stay in contact with everyone and keep everyone updated on us. It's December 1st and we actually got our Christmas decorations up yesterday. It's going to be Ashlynn's first Christmas and we're going to have Madison here this year so we're excited for the holidays. Last year Brent was working out of town until 2 days before Christmas and I was down for the count with morning sickness so this is the first Christmas season we're really getting to enjoy in our new home. We spent all day yesterday decorating, which included me sitting on top of the porch roof waiting for a couple hours while Brent put up the lights on the rest of the house. I wasn't going to go up and down the ladder by myself more then needed to in order to hold it for him when he needed to climb up or down so I just waited up there. Nate's contribution to decorating the tree included throwing the ball shaped ornaments into the tree. He also got to put the star on the tree, which he wanted to do over and over again. We're so excited to start Christmas traditions with our little ones.